


Richie's Crush (aka I suck at titles)

by LOTFPerson



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Could Be Canon, Demisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie loves Richie but doesn't know it yet, F/M, I can't spell btw, I'm Sorry, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, My First Fanfic, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, School Dances, but eddie is oblivious, i'm lazy af, what a bad way to procrasinate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LOTFPerson/pseuds/LOTFPerson
Summary: baisically they're at this school dance or "snow ball" and Richie is struggling with his feelings for Eddie, while Beverly tries to cheer him up.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Richie's Crush (aka I suck at titles)

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Stephen King and Andy Muschietti(?). 
> 
> I'm also not creative so alot of the plot is just rip-offs of other movies. I also don't really care for spelling or formatting, so sorry for the mess. I don't really know what this is, but I guess there can't be enough Reddie fics so here's one. 
> 
> Anyway, CONSTRUCTIVE critisism is always helpful and I hope you enjoy (if you can).

Richie started noticing it during that one fucked up summer. The thing was, basically, all summers were fucked up in derry. Still, none had ever been so fucking horrifying like the one where he and 6 other kids were nearly murdered by a fucking supernatural clown. At first he was sure that it was just his mind coming up with different coping mechanisms. That's what it had to be, right? And besides, he’d always felt different when he was with Eddie Kaspbrak. Ever since they’d been in kindergarten, richie had loved teasing that kid. He loved the way he flushed, and how he snap back playful insults that’d just make richie feel alive. Eddie really was one of the strangest kids at school. First off, his mother was a fucking walrus compared to him, and behaved like a massive shadow over eddie, just because he had fucking ass-mar or something. And now this kid wouldn't even touch the sink without a paper towel because he could get staphylococcus or whatever. He carried around 2 fanny packs and would use a dorky inhaler every 5 minutes. Honestly if that didnt scream “bully me, I’m queer” Richie didn’t know what would. So during the first 8 years he knew him, Richie always thought that it was his love of teasing the weird stuff about eddie that made him come to him, or hang out with him, This feeling of pure warmth and joy he felt whenever eddie chastised him for not washing his hands or for calling hima gazillion of names he hated always seemed to be a special feeling. One richie would only get when he was with eddie. And all those stuid and weird and dorky things were what made richie eventually realise he was attracted to. But that was probably just his mind playing tricks on him. I mean, both of them had survived a psycho clown for fucks sake! 

Richie's reaction naturally sparked a new sense of desperation in him when Eddie was nearly killed in that crackhead house, because his best friend almost  _ died _ . It was a coping mechanism, it had to be. So it was only natural for Richie to feel connected to him and feel closer to him, knowing what they both had experienced. It was only natural that his heart had raced when he realized eddie wasn’t with them. It was rationale for him to grasp onto eddie whenever he felt endangered; there was just some prospect about him that made richie feel elated to the highest degree when he was happy, and comforted when he was frightened. And that it was  _ Eddie,  _ or this weird manifestation of him that had lured Richie lured away. It was when Eddie had broken his arm that Richie had started to panic, his breathing had become shallow. He remembered how his hands shook as he took hold of Eddie's face, even when the clown was mere meters away from them. He recalled the nausea he felt, the sense of lost oxygen going to his head, and how he was losing control. In his disorientation, he remembered turning Eddie's face to him, which was all that had matters at that moment. He had wanted to look into his eyes one last time before they died. It was the first time Richie had felt something like that with another person, something.. Intimate? It was weird. 

Sure, Richie felt like he had bonded with all his after that shit-show, so it was natural to feel more connected to them. But it was just  _ different  _ with Eddie, he had realised soon after that. Whenever they talked or teased each other, Richie felt like his mind was racing, he felt exhilarated yet nervous for his life at the same time. His palms would sometimes get sweaty, or he'd even feel himself blush lately. So what was the only thing Riche ``trashmouth” Tozier could do? Make sexual jokes or course. Ones that would prove his masculinity to the rest, ones that would make everyone else as uncomfortable as he was, so that he wasn't alone in his discomfort. 

Amd now here he was, at this stupid and cheezy snowball dance. None of the losers had really wanted to be there, he reckoned. Sure, bill and mike had dates, (he didn't know how though) but he knew that he and his friends just weren’t the old fashioned type, not after last summer. He liked that about the losers club.Richie was pretty sad to know that Ben wouldn’t come due to an Architect club interview thing or whatever. He was  _ sure  _ Bev had started liking him too, and he would have thoroughly enjoyed forcing the two lovebirds to dance. Stan wasn’t here either which was something that depressed richie greatly. Apparently he was off visiting his jewish uncle for his birthday . Richie would have loved to see his take on a classic tuxedo, he’s probably overdue it since he dressed like a 60 yer old sometimes. . But stan and ben weren’t here, and neither was Eddie, who seems to be late for the first time in his life. So Richei guessed he bev, mike and bill would have to make do for now. Mike’s date, Stacey, was the first to arrive after the group had settled. She was ok richie guessed, sure, she had a foul sense of humor (she looked disgusted when richie had tried to show eddie how to armpit fart) but other than that she seemed to be chill with almost anything, and wasn’t really the needy type. so, yeah, she was cool.. After that came Bill with his date, Nancey who wore a flamboyantly pink dress.  _ ew _

The group started heading for the punch table till the song “every breath you take” started playing, which meant that it was time for couples’s dance. 

And then there he was, walking nervously through the main door, exchanging his fanny packs with simple tuxedo and a bow tie.Eddie kaspbrak hair was also much tidier than Richie previously had seen it. Eddie looked….nice. The outfit and hair matched his face, and made him look classier than his usual red shorts and t-shirts. Not to mention that his dark maroon eyes sparkled under the many coloured lights. Yes, Richie definitely liked what he was seeing-  _ because Eds is my friend and it’s cool that he’s making an effort.  _ Nothing else, obviously. 

“Holy shit what happened to you?” Richie barely felt the words escape his mouth. “What the fuck are you talking about? I can’t tell whether you used too much conditioner or kept your hair as greasy as it always is” came a sharp reply

“I do my best to look good for you eddie bear,” Richie winked,trying not to pay heed to the heat he felt going up his face. Luckily Eddie just rolled his eyes. 

“So,” mike cleared his throat, “ I think stacey and I are gonna go dance for a bit?” 

“Yes we will too,” chimed in Nancey. She hooked her arm around the bill as The two couples made their way to the dance floor. 

“Well, I’m gonna go get punch for us.” Bev said, abruptly, seemingly blind to the tension that would ensue. 

_ Well shit this is gonna be awkward,  _

Usually, rich people could have great banter with their best friend, but that was before neibolt. Now, once he had realised that he may have a slight, and very complicted attraction to his eddie, and without an audience to direct his jokes at, richie had no fucking idea what to say. 

“So….” Maybe he could ask Eddie if they wanted to grab food from the buffet? Like friends do. He was sure no one was going to actually ask them to dance. And he knew both of them would rather go back to neibolt than to actually ask a girl out. Yeah, it was just gonna be him and eddie-

“Hey eddie..” This random girl richie thought was called Charlotte or something came up to them shyly. 

“Do you wanna dance?”  _ what the?- _

Richie felt his stomach sink to the floor. He felt Eddie look at him for help, for support, and maybe a bit guilty that he’d leave his friend alone. An excited expression was undoubtedly different that this. he started sounding like bill, saying things like “well um, i’m not sure,” 

Richie felt himself go into panic mode, and knew he couldn’t slip up now because of his feelings. this was his fried, and it was richie's duty to make sure he wouldn't miss a once in a lifetime opportunity. And so, his superficial mask, his layer of machines covered him up, moved his arm, and encouraging eds to to say yes. Truthfully it was almost like if his brain just forced his hand, to tap the arm.

“Yes,” Eddie said, after what seemed like 10 minutes, though it was only about 3 seconds. Richie watched helplessly as this makupcoverd girl just stole his friend away. Eds gave Richie one last panicked glance (which Richie would have laughed at had he not been feeling sorry for himself) and went away. Richie thought he should probably go see how Bill and Mike were doing. He could be the third wheel and ruin their nights with his annoying comments, he could make kissing noises and be `himself”. but he didn’t feel like doing anything like tha actually. He just felt sort of numb. _ Great _ . He felt vision blurs out, though richie didn’t feel like focusing his eyes right now. he just stared amelesly with his unfocused eyes, thinking about nothing. 

Why the fuck was he like this? Maybe it was karma. Perhaps he had bullied Eddie so much to the extent tha God, or whoever was up there, just decided to have a jolly good time making Richie fall for him. Richie obviously found girls attractive, he had wanked off on women in magazines for numerous occasions. But girls were so complicated sometimes. You could never joke around with them, and some could be such drama queens sometimes. It bored Richie out of his mind, he already had one mother in his life, why make it two? He liked his fun and the attention his “grade A humour” got. He teased everyone, yet only his friend tolerated his humour in a way that Richie liked. 

Sure, Bev was a girl, 

and she did tolerate his humor, 

and richie did like her, 

but more as a friend. Richie liked her because she was a good guy. It was complicated. She was fierce in a way richie admired, but that was all. He had great fun talking with bev or stan bc they were used to it, and they were all just teasing each other like friends. Eddie was different. Richie teased him because, in a way, he felt  _ scared.  _

He was used to never opening himself up to anyone, because that was just who he was as the trashmouth.

But when talking to eddie. Richie could always feel new emotions swirling inside him. He sensed a certain wanting to hold him, to kiss his forehead, just because he could be so damn _precious_ sometimes. He was small and, shit, _cute,_ but he could also be great fun with his insults. Eddie made Richie want to be more than just an annoying friend. He brought out richies softer sides, and though rich had made it his life goal to shield those away he felt himself getting softer lately, which, for him, was a huge problem. He couldn’t be _more_ than what he had thought he was before last summer.

he couldn’t be a  _ queer _ . 

Queers were different, they liked guys like girls like guys.

It was strange, and basically unheard of in the last century. Everyone thought it was weird, so it had to be. They giggled like girls and dressed like girls. It was odd. His Parents had told him so for years. 

Richie could never have that be a side of him...he was only there to tease his friends, not fall in  _ love  _ with them. Imagine how they’d react? They call him a hypocrite, and fag just like bowers had done last summer. 

Deep down, Richie knew that wasn’t true. They were his friends… they wouldn’t call him that. But they’d probably ignore him for sure. It was the shame that came with this knowledge that the losers would never look like him that same way again that really bothered him. Why did it have to be  _ him  _ though? Just as richie started getting new friends, he began changing into this homosexual who liked his best friendr. Richie had tried multiple times to look at the magazines his father had hidden in his night table. It did mostly give him a boner, but the scary thing is he didn’t  _ feel  _ that same way when he was with eddie. This feeling he had when he was with him was different, it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Sure ed's small stature and his dove eyes didn’t help numb richie’s love for him, but it was the fact that it was  _ him  _ that made richie love Eddie. The way he talked about medicine, and how he freaked out at the tiniest things. Richie  _ loved  _ that. But what he adored the most were those little moments. Sometimes he could glimpse at eddie trying so hard not to crack a smile at one of his plain stupid jokes. And when they had their funny banter that usually ended in them doing something crazy together or cracking up, that just made his day. He new eddie always chastized him for all the stupid shit he did. But after last summer he felt a particular sense of  _ security around  _ his friend _ ,  _ as if eddie really got him, and understood him beneath all of his stupid jokes. 

But that was scary. Richie had beeny two dimensional with everyone, because even though he annoyed them, that's how they accepted him in a way. It was how the world admitted him, as the trashmouth in the losers club. But if he was a queer, he’d be the looser of the loosers club. Anyway, it was all a bunch of bullshit. 

Richie realised he had been awkwardly standing alone there for a good five minutes,which directed a couple eyes at him. _ Great. _ He made his way over to the bleachers. Maybe he could give it a shot at getting a date. Eds had gotten one. But who was he kidding, Richie didn’t  _ blame  _ the girl, since Eddie really was adorable sometimes. Okay, most of the time in richie’s eyes. 

All that warm fuzzy thoughts just left richie feeling incredibly lonely. He decided it wouldn’t kill him to try, and went over to a group of girls who, as soon as they saw him, walked over to another corner, mumbling ews along the way. Typical.

_ They’re probably too shy to say yes.  _

Richie thought sarcastically. He pondered whether he should try getting the girl who was sitting alone, though she gave hima  _ don't you dare  _ glare from the far. _ Fabulous _ . He was probably gonna die alone in a cardboard box out on the street, his grades were pretty sucky.

Eddie was probably going to get married to a woman just like his mother, which was fine.  _ It’s fine. _ He was his friend, He thought painfully.

_ And that’s all we ever will be. _

__ Richie sat down by the bleachers. Maybe he’d try watching Eddie, see how he was doing but that would be creepy. He guessed queers like him would be destined to suffer. That was just thrilling. 

“Hey.” a familiar voice broke his thoughts. Richie looked up and grinned

“You ask them to play jazz yet? Cuz we’re gonna need a lot of soul with you here molly ringwald.” 

“Oh Shut up Richie.” Bev grinned. She held out her hand boisterously “Wanna dance?” Richie looked at her as if she had just told him she was scared of heights. 

“Look bev, I know I’m gorgeous, but I don’t really see you that way.”

Bev rolled her eyes “C’mon, I’m bored and you look depressed as shit.” 

Richie couldn’t disagree on that. He took a deep breath “I don’t know, I mean, I was  _ really  _ looking forward to sitting on this bench you know. It’s a great spot to have existential crises.” “Didn’t know you could think that far Rich>” Bev counted as he took her hand as flamboyantly as she had offered it. As they went on the dance floor, richie took a bow so deep that hair touched the ground. 

“ _ So _ chivalrous. “

They got into an awkward wallace position, but it actually got pretty fun when they started dancing more wildly. Beverly could actually turn really well, so Richie had to get creative. At the end, when more hip hop music came on, they both realised they had no idea what to do so they just randomly started wriggling like jellyfish. It was fun, both had a good laugh. 

“So, you depressed that your one true love isn’t here?” Richie finally said once they got back to swaying back and forth. Bev just gave him a  _ what the hell?  _ Look. Richie chuckled, this was indeed fun. 

“Both of you always deny it but we  _ all  _ see the way you look at each other. Plus I know a true love's kiss when I see one.” Richie raised his eyebrows `` And that one there when you were in the deadlights was definitely one of them. Trust. I can clearly see through you guys' ' he said with a wink. “Your insight is as good as your vision if you think there is  _ one  _ couple that should be in this friend group.” She raised his eyebrows at him. 

This startled him. “But you're the only girl…” Richie stopped, and gave her a questioning, if not frantic look for clarification. She couldn’t  _ possibly  _ have seen through him, could she?

_ Oh shit _ . He could already hear her say that she knew all along that he was a fairy. She’d walkout, or just ignore him. And While he would try to cover up with some joke, he knew he wouldn’t be able to help it this time. He felt his lung clench up, he was going to be out, from society, and worse, his friend group. 

Beverly seemed to be struggling with what to say too. “Rich I…. nevermind. I was just thinking of a stupif comeback.” She joked changing her demeanor drastically. Richie suspected that she was giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he gladly accepted it. 

“Nice try annie,” he said quickly, praying she’d keep taking the hint.

“But really you know, I think you guys could be like, yin yang thing, It’ll be good for ya, trust me” Richie tried saying it as playfully as he could. Yet, he was sure Beverly could sense the sincerity underneath. She seemed to understand, 

“I guess. It’s just that I’ve honestly never been in a relationship before and I don’t really wanna ruin our friendship. I mean, he can be really sweet sometimes, and I just don’t want to lose that. Ever.” 

Richie nodded slowly, trying not to portray himself as more immature, “ I know what you mean. You have this person who really gets, but just because of some stupid feelings, you’re worried your gonna loose that. I guess I know what that feels like. '' Beverly smiled nodded. “I know.” And for a second, her eyes darted toward eddie, who was still akwardly dancing with that stupid girl. 

“Same goes for you rich, just because you can annoy the hell out of everyone doesn’t mean we’d judge you, not to a serious extent anyway.” 

_ So she does know.  _ Richie didn’t know how to react, he still was trying to process everything. Beverly just brushed it off, and lightly punched him on the arm, just like she always did. Richie felt as if he could breathe again after being under water.

“Oh, yeah. Well…I guess we're both suckers” 

Beverly got the hidden meaning a second later. 

“Richie for god’s sake were at a school dance!” she could help but crack a smile though and tried swatting his head. Richie ducked and grinned

“Missed me, Ringwald!”

Beverly sighed exasperatedly, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

Richie glanced at the door, and for a second he thought his mind was conjuring an image, but no, he was actually there.

“Speaking of knight in shining armour,” Richie nodded to the door. There stood Ben Hanscom, wearing a wrinkled blouse, some tux pants, and uncombed hair in the doorway. 

Beverly tried to hide the smile that crossed her face, but failed. “I can’t believe he came.” 

“That’s what she said.” Richie couldn’t help it. Beverly laughed as she punched his shoulder, both of them walked up to ben. 

“Lookin’ fine Hanscom. They kick you out of the interview or what.” Ben shrugged. “Nah, I actually just finished 10 minutes ago. Had to hurry.” Beverly smiled. 

“I’m sure you did great ben.” she said, 

ben blushed, “ I guess… thanks.” 

_ I probably shouldn’t ruin this.  _

“Alright, I see that you both need some bonding time. Don’t wanna be the third wheel.” Richie said, finger gunning them. 

“What? No, rich you can stay-”

“Ben, I know you didn’t come here for me.” he meant it. Richie grinned wholeheartedly at bev

“Go have fun with your poet.” Both smiled gratefully. “Thanks rich.”

Rich walked off with a salute, “just, please, spare me the drama and admit your fucking feelings already.”

The Pair laughed awkwardly and looked anywhere but at each other

Richie grinned, took a bow and started heading outside. He didn’t really have anything to do at the dance. 

But he was happy. 

At least beverly and ben got their crush. 

Even though Richie, was the only one without a date that night, he felt more accepted than before. This was just the way things were.

_ Least I got more supportive friends than my parents ever were.  _

Richie walked out to the road just outside of the gym. It was pretty empty during this time of night, it being around 9 oclock. Richie saw a stoplight a bit down the road, and lay down to watch the colors change. He had done this a couple l=times when he was younger, when there weren't any cars around. 

It helped him think.

He liked watching the colors of the lights shift and then seep into the sky, giving the stars a different hue every couple of minutes. He could deal with this, he thought. Sure he’d be lonely for most of his life, but he had his friends. And Eddie would get a wife, but he’d still be his friend. He’s always been his friend.

“You do realise the road has like 3 million different types of germs, asshole.” Richie heard a voice, one that made his heartbeat pump faster and his breath hitch, coming from the gym. He couldn’t help but smile. 

“Still better than greywater spaghetti” He joked knowing how much eds would cringe at the memory.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get weirder rich. I mean what the Hell?” Eddie waved his arms around. He gesticulated a lot when he got flustered.

“It’s fun eds!” richie chuckled

“Yeah sure. And don’t fucking call me that.” Richie smiled, he’d missed this, even though they had had a similar banter to this one the day before. 

“Why are you on the road anyway? Not even lepers do that.” 

Richie shrugged, “helps me think.” 

“You can do that?” Eddie said as he crouched down next to him.

“Yeah I’ll teach you kaspbrak.” Eds chuckled, and slowly took richies glasses. Somehow that started to be a habit for the smaller kid. Richie liked though, it was calming yet it sent shivers down his spine when he felt fingertips brush his hair. They were pleasant shivers. Eddie put them on. 

“Jesus you really are blind.” He’d say that alot, even though he’d put on the same glasses many times. Eddie slowly put the specs back on richie like how they were before. He’s gotten quite good at that. Even though he did once almost poke richie's eye out.

Richie patted the ground next to him. “Try laying down” 

Eddie looked unimpressed. “Are you crazy?”

“C’mon eds, just once? Your mom won't find out.”

Eddie looked at him weirdly. “Your so weird rich.” he said after a short pause.He slowly laid down beside him though. Richie Felt heat crawl to his cheeks and stomach as he felt eddies arm brush gently against his. 

_ I swear to god if I get a boner…. _

“So,” Eddie said. “This is fun.”

“It is” richie said, paying no attention to the heavy sarcasm.

“What happens if a car comes?” eds said after a few heart beats.

“We die,”

“Well shit rich.” 

Both stayed where they were, feeling the cool breeze brush over their faces. 

“I’ve never seen you this quit before.” eds said after a few minutes. Richie smiled and shrugged, turning his head to see eddie. 

“What happens to your girlfriend?”

The smaller kid rolled his eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend, I kinda got annoyed after a few minutes, but she’s sort of the needy type you know.”

“Yikes” richie said, trying not to sound too happy about it. 

Eddie smiled shyly and sort of nuzzled himself a bit against richie. 

“Sometimes I just don’t get girls.”

Richie smiled. “I never understood them to begin with.” Both chuckled at that. 

“I’m never getting married, eds” He said finally. He tried not to make it sound depressing, since they’d never really talked like this before. 

“Yep, I don’t think anyone’s going to put up with your bullshit.” 

Richie laughed. 

“It’s ok though I don’t really see the point in getting married either.”

Richie looked surprised at this confession

“I mean, I get  _ why  _ people do it. I just don’t see what's so great about it. It’s just tourture anyway.”

“Yeah, women can be really complicated sometimes.”

“Yeah.”

They were still for a while. A long while. 

“At least you’ll have sex.” Richie laughed as he heard a disgusted grunt escape his friend’s lips. “I mean I think I’ll probably have a good amount of one-night-stands but that’ll be that.” 

Eddie smiled, but looked concerned for a while.

“Richie,” he said quietly. 

“Yeah?” Richie could feel the concern seep through his voice. 

“Nevermind.”

“You can tell me eds.” He sighed “even though I know I’m kinda shit at this stuff”

“Well..” Eddie started. He slowly tilted his side towards Richie after a short while, but didn’t look him in the eye. 

“I don’t think want to have sex.” 

The bluntness of the statement took Richie by surprise. “Okay. I mean... just because your a teen doesn't mean you have to feel sexual desires for anyone yet.”

“No, it’s more like,  _ I dont want to have sex _ . At all. I don’t really feel any attraction to anything. It.. it sort of scares me rich.” 

He started to understand what his friend was saying now. 

“Oh.” he managed to get out. He’d heard about cases like this, yet he didn’t really know what to say. 

“I think I might be broken.”

Rich tilted to his side and looked Eddie in the eye. “You’re not broken eds.” 

He shrugged. “But  _ everyone  _ is all horny all of a sudden. It’s ike all they care about in a relationship is the sex part. I mean I know it's corny but I still want to fall in love…… I…..Jesus this is fucked.”

Richie smiled sadly. “I don’t think your broken eds.” 

_ Trust me I know.  _

“Think about it this way: sex doesnt make us whole in the first place, so it’s not like you should feel ashamed or anything. 

Eddie looked down. “I guess.”

Richie thought about Eddie, getting married, and going to bed with a woman he didn’t know. It sickened him. He was just so  _ pure  _ and, he didn;t want him deflowered, at all. He knew it was selfish, wanting to keep someone caged in like that.

“Do you think it has something to do with neibolt?”

Richie looked at him questioningly. “I don’t think so….why?”

“Well..” eds started, but gave up “fuck this is weird.”

Richie grinned and nodded

“You remember that leper I told you guys about?” 

“Yeah”

“Well, he sort of asked me if I’d want a blowjob.”

ANd that made Richie  _ very  _ uncomfortable. 

“Thats fucked up man.” he managed to say. Oh god he couldn't even think of that……

“ still get night mares about that you know,”

“Yeah me too.” Richie Replied, glad to change the subject

“And now everytime I think about.. Intimacy that memory just pops back into my head and I freak out. I just don't understand how people can just feel those things without having a stable bond with a person you know?”

“Hm.” was all richie could reply, he was honestly more focused on how tense he had become, like when eddie had gotten lost that day at neibolt. He felt this sudden need again to hug his best friend, feel his chin nuzzled in his neck as his hair went up as eddie would breath out. But he couldn’t do that right now. Obviously

He slowly moved his fingers, hoping that they would casually intertwine with eddies, which they actually did. It wasn’t graceful; he only managed to grasp two but, the contact was there. 

There was a tight feeling in his chest. Eddie might let go, and think him queer, just like that kid had at the arcade. That would be the end of it. 

But his friend took hold of his hand quietly. 

“I think someday you’ll find someone who loves you eds, trauma and everything. Someone who’ll just appreciate you the way you are.”  _ like I do. _

Eddie smiled. 

“Thanks.” after a hesitation he added, “but I think I’d much rather lay on roads with you for now.””

It took all of Richie's facial muscles to suppress the wide grin that wanted to spread out on his face. HE started tapping the ground with his other hand, it was a bouncy fluid movement. 

“I enjoy spending time with you too eddo spaggeddo.”

Eddie let out a shaky breath one that seemed to have been there for a while. He looked rich playfully, but somehow content and happy. 

He opened his mouth to say a comeback, but no sound came, he just let out a shaky and almost grateful laugh and shook his head slightly. 

Richie could no longer stop the smile from spreading, and playfully nudged eddie on the shoulder, careful to keep their hands together. Eds reciprocated, and perhaps subconsciously nuzzled loser to richie. 

The butterflies just grew in richies chest, and he let out a content, sigh. A new sense of confidence seemed to be bubbling inside of him. Beverly had understood and accepted him, and he knew deep down that eddie would too.

He inhaled shakily after a while. 

“Eds I-”

The sound of wheels seemed to be coming closer, as was a yellow light that was suddenly cast upon them.

“Holy shit!” 

Bpth boys barely managed to get up and run for the sidewalk as a car passed them, honky viscously as it drove away into the distance

_ Fuck that was close! _

Richie swayed back, trying to process his near death experience. He heard laughter emerge as he got back to his senses. 

He turned to look at Eddie, who looked like he had pulled the funniest prank on richie.

“You should have seen you face asshole,” he managed to get out between guffaws. Richie just stood there dumbstruck. 

_ Honestly dying would have been worth it if I could hear more of this  _

Eds was laughing, chortling.  _ Hysterically.  _

“What the fuck edward?” he got out before starting to snicker as well, exhilaration fading out of his body.

Eddie collected himself. “That was fun.” his eyes shone in the darkness and richie would have loved to just stare at those dark brown pools for days. He felt his lips prt slightly as heat rushed up to his cheeks. 

_ God I love him.  _

He gave a curt smile. Eds eyes seemed to dart away from richie, and a gloomy look washed over them. 

“That’s my mom, she doesn’t want me walking alone from the ball.”

All of the heat richie had felt earlier was gone in an instant.

_ Fuck you, sonya  _

“But you only live five minutes away. I could walk you home.”

A sense of belongingness washed over eddies face, but was quickly replaced with sadness. 

“It’s okay, she’s already here.”

“Right.” Richie tried to say as cool as possible. He was acting like a 12 year old girl. This was obviously not the last time that they would be seeing each other. But he knew that they were probably never gonna get a moment like this again. 

Eddie looked conflicted, but soon marched up to his friend, and before Richie knew it, Eddie had wrapped his smaller arms around him. Richie stiffend, felt caged, yet light headed and dizzy at the same time. with hitched breaths he managed to loosen up and hug eddie back, like an average person. He tried so hard to resist, but he melted into the hg, clutching at eddie, squeezing him tightly. He couldn't help it. he slowly tilted his face into his hair, and took a sharp, desperate breath, inhaling all of the different scents eddie carried.He felt the shampoo and cologne wash into his nose and fill up his lungs a sense of freshness and mint being present. But he also smelled the earthy smell he was used to, since sonya always used the same detergent for eddies clothes. All the memories of hugging before, or jumping on each others backs when they were kids, or clinging on to each other when in danger, they all came flooding back. They all just made richie feel, complete. All the pain and happiness he had experienced was with eddie. He wanted to keep eddie like this, in this hug. He wanted him to stay his best friend and to never grow up. He was afraid of his new feelings, afraid of what they could do to them. Afraid of how rare moments like these with eddie would become. He didn't want to grow up. He clutched eddies hair slightly, hoping that he wasn't pulling too hard. 

But he also wanted change. He wanted to be able to kiss him, on the head, on the forehead, on the brows, on the nose…... on the lips. His lips ached of the contact, that delicate touch. But he couldn't. He never could. 

All these rush of emotions were swept away as eddie slowly pulled back, richie being in silent panic that his longing for him had seeped out too much. Eddie was red in the face but there was no hint of disgust. He looked at him differently for a slight second, but then smiled, almost as if he was trying to hide something. 

“Bye rich.”

“Bye,” His voice cracked slightly, which made Richie blush furiously. 

And as Eddie drove away, all the happiness and exhilaration and joy Richie accomplished that night were gone. Swept away. 

“I love you.” he whispered quietly to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah I guess it's a bit depressing. I thought I was really good at writing angst until I re-read it :(  
> I'm just to lazy to polish it up but I might in the future if people actually read it. 
> 
> I hope that you didn't feel like this was a complete waste of time 😅 and that you have a great day doing homework or other things (sorry).


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